It was on a reunion trip to an Island I grew up on that I was invited to really look into the species that was man. If I was anything but totally aware of my space and thoughts I would not of noticed. It was this: If I see my male friends from highschool whom I still know and love completely. We joke about their failings yet I judge them not. I'm so forgiving that at times I'm a mother, cheerleader, counsellor, seducer to these men. I let them be boys, men, guys. And they are very very different in some ways, but not in all. They get super embarrassed, and basically have no clue what's going on. So why do I expect anything from my husband in terms of "Why can't he think like me?" And all those wonderful "Why?" questions that I always find myself asking him. It's like a test. I want him to say "It's because I don't love you. That is why I don't do or say anything right. "
Well the test kitchen is too hot and I'm getting out. I will no longer feel badly, defensive or melancholy when he says I don't do enough, that I spend too much, that I nag, or stay out too late....I am just me. So the trip actually showed me myself. In that I see what I am capable of and what are my short comings are and maybe those don't need to change as coming up short in those area's leaves room in my energy store to do the things I do incredible. In his life, I am a great cook and can send out a lot of love. The other things like domestic duties I just can't seem to get perfect enough for him...but that's his issue. If I react it becomes my issue. Like how dare you talk to me like I'm your slave...but that is just my perception. You see, he might just be talking down to me but who cares. Big deal. I know how my life will play out and it is beautiful in all of the incarnations I see with these eyes.
Well the test kitchen is too hot and I'm getting out. I will no longer feel badly, defensive or melancholy when he says I don't do enough, that I spend too much, that I nag, or stay out too late....I am just me. So the trip actually showed me myself. In that I see what I am capable of and what are my short comings are and maybe those don't need to change as coming up short in those area's leaves room in my energy store to do the things I do incredible. In his life, I am a great cook and can send out a lot of love. The other things like domestic duties I just can't seem to get perfect enough for him...but that's his issue. If I react it becomes my issue. Like how dare you talk to me like I'm your slave...but that is just my perception. You see, he might just be talking down to me but who cares. Big deal. I know how my life will play out and it is beautiful in all of the incarnations I see with these eyes.
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